Few occasions can be as exhilarating or nerve-wrecking as an initial date. There’s the question of what you’ll wear (we recommend something you already feel confident in), what you’ll do, and undoubtedly, what you’ll actually talk about-besides your professions. Whether you’re getting back out there after divorce or breakup, or you’re just considering meeting new people, these first date conversation starters and tips can help avoid the date from drying up before you’ve ordered an appetizer.
Experts agree, one of the greatest ways to decrease anxiety associated with first dates is entering the meeting with a strategy. No, you don’t need talking points on index cards or a script you’ve rehearsed, but a good strategy to improve the chances of chemistry can’t hurt. Who knows, follow these ideas and it just might be your last first date (wink).
Build on what you already know.
Expand upon what you’ve learned from the original supply of connection to propel the dialogue. For example, if you matched online, involve something in their dating profile and ask them a question about this issue. If a mutual friend set you up, unpack how each one of you knows them. Etc.
State the obvious.
If you’re not sure how to jump into a conversation, comment about something in your environment. To begin with, you might ask them if they’ve ever been to the coffee shop, park or wherever they proposed to meet, before, or if they spend significant time in that neighborhood. You can then quickly segue into a broader conversation about the town, food, travel, or another topic, based after the cues you pick up initially. Find out more about Date Like A Chef (Series) – What to Talk About here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Nu6xnlVkExQ
Pay attention to how they respond to you.
To determine if your person of interest is relational or self-centered, note if indeed they inquire about you at all, recommends Dr. Henry Cloud, psychologist, speaker and author. “When you answer, do they immediately turn it into referring to themselves, or can they stay on you for any time at all,” he says. Granted, there may also be nerves involved (often, it’s simpler to ramble) but this is something still worth cueing into.
It’s also important to listen to their actual answers; a person’s responses could show their true selves. To illustrate, if you ask how long they’ve been on a dating site and what their experience has been, are they saying belittling things such as “There are so many idiots out there. Or, are they more level-headed, with responses such as We’ve met some nice people, and had some good experiences…not to mention, some that weren’t. Focusing on conversation patterns such as this is a vital tip to gauge character.
Ask them about their talents.
Ask: What are you really proficient at? What should you do to keep growing in…[insert area you’re discussing]? Listen for areas of the conversation that lets you see how much responsibility they take forever. Do they see themselves as someone who’s creating their own life or expecting it to just show up?
Learn about their family and friends.
Begin with a simply phrased “Tell me about your loved ones.” See what you learn. Even if it’s a negative story, Cloud says, you can respond with “Wow, that sounds hard. How did you deal your or overcome it?”
Additionally, inquire about their friends. Listen in for the existence of close and long-term friends. “If all their ‘close’ friends are new, that usually is not a good sign,” cautions Cloud. That’s, unless they just moved, because, hey meeting friends as an adult can be tough. And, naturally, if they went through a divorce, that also lends itself to complications.
Discuss favorite things.
Another go-to conversation starter is discussing your preferred things. This may vary from favorite music genres, artists, tv set shows, books, hobbies, and more. The options are endless for this as you can touch on many diverse topics. In fact, questions like: What food is your guilty pleasure? Which movie would you watch again and again?